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It could be worse

My wife has secretly replaced her breasts with methane canisters. Every time she feeds our new baby girl, it isn't long before my daughter sounds like the trombone section of my high school band. While amusing, it loses its charm at 2am. I spend most of the evening between burping her and fearing the diaper change. Why fear change? Changing this baby's diaper is much like taking the cover off a cannon. I once saw a documentary about some birds in Africa that seal themselves up inside a tree leaving just a tiny opening through which they receive food and dispose of it. My daughter's range and accuracy reminds me of these birds.

When the trumpeting and projectile pooping settles down, my little baby girl then decides that sleep is overrated and proceeds to stare at me. This is not the "are you my daddy? I think I love you" kind of stare. It is the, "I'm going to chew up your mind, body and soul before sunrise" look. No blinking, no smiles. Just two huge shark-like eyes peering at me as I hold her. When it's time to eat, my daughter acts like she's at a wine tasting. First, the bottle must be allowed the 'breathe.' After some time has passed, she then tastes the milk and allows it to swirl around her mouth before spitting it back out. She may take several more samples before finally attacking the bottle in earnest. Did I mention my daughter is a narcoleptic feeder? Well, she falls asleep after a few seconds of drinking but wakes up the moment I remove the bottle. Eventually, she finally falls asleep in time for "Gas II: The Return." By 5am, I'm staggering into the bedroom in the hopes of sleeping myself. By 6am, my son is awake and running amok through the house...loudly...

When I haven't had enough sleep, everything sucks. The weather, the mail, my computer, this blog—everything—in a word, sucks. Then, I look at the picture in this post and think, "it could be worse." If it's unclear what you're looking at, click it and [after wincing and/or laughing] realize that your day can't suck like the one belonging to this image—unless, of course, this image belongs to you. So while I might be easily annoyed at my day, I've got reminders like this picture which keep me from feeling too sorry for myself.

Is it really fair for me to use another's misfortune to dampen my own experience? Should one laugh at another's circumstance in order to feel better about they mess they're in themselves? Good questions to which I've answered, "yes." If you can't laugh at your own situation, laugh at someone else's to remember how. When I first started writing this post, I intended to unleash my frustration and anger on the world. Looking at this picture, however, forces me to rethink my definition of pain and discomfort.

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